Blogowitz

When it comes to naming things, sometimes not having a choice is better.

I’m not a huge fan of my own first name: Gary. It was a relatively trendy name in the 70s, and today when I say it out loud it feels bland. It feels trustworthy. It feels midwestern. ‘Gary’ isn’t particularly adventurous. It’s nice, like a bowl of warm oatmeal.

‘Gary’ is Anthony Michael Hall’s name in “Weird Science.” ‘Gary’ is also Ace’s partner on Saturday Night Live’s Ambiguously Gay Duo cartoon.

That said, the name was GIVEN to me. I didn’t have to choose it and now it’s mine for life. And I’m cool with that.

But as a trumpet player in a new band, I’m faced with the dilemma of naming the damn thing. And after more than six months of negotiating names with eight other musicians, I’m ready to relinquish my right to choose. Problem is, other folks in the band beat me to it. They reached their breaking point and have now dumped their votes on me and the lead singer.

Result: it’s now a face-off between the trumpet player and the singer.

I refuse to admit how many hours we’ve spent chain-smoking in the alley behind our rehearsal space throwing out name after name after name. We’ve almost gone to blows during name-dropping sessions! What should be a fun excercise in creativity has turned into a royal pain in the ass. And you wouldn’t believe some of the gems that sleep deprivation, beer, pot and nicotine have produced…

Blunt Citizen. Cypher. Bronze Star. Phenomeno. Deep Sea Goldfish. Triple Double. The Nine. The Nines. Double Threes. SickWidit. The Elemence. Elipses (…). The Tribe. Nine Tribes. Left A Bang. Deep City Breath. DirtyWhirl. Swivelhead. The Method.

I voted for Dick Cheney’s Gay Daughter, but was quickly shot down. I think it’s pure genius.

The upside is that once we hit the stage and blast that first note, it’s on. Folks start bouncin’ and drinkin’ and gettin’ loose. It’s a hot ride full of congas, horns, keys, bass, guitar, drums and vocals.

But you can’t be a band without a name. And that’s where it gets political. And personal. And annoying. And silly. What’s in a name? Nothing. And everything.